i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
