What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
