I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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