I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All the doctor said was why
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
