Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i've created a new STD.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
