i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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