I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
