They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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