i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
