where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
