i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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