I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
