I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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