the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is wine microwaveable?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
