drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
