I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
