It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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