My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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