no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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