I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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