New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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