i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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