I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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