OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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