There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
