There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
