Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
