So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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