We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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