I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
