Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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