I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
