he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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