I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize