He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
