I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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