Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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