I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
