so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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