she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So vagazzling was a success
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
