Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
