I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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