did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
