last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
