i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
