The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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