I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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