You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
