I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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