I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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