Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
