I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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