I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
