i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
