Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
