you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
FUCK WHALES
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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