I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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