Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
