i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
