yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
