Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize