im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do vagina's smell?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
