and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
